Now showing on cable: “The Tourist”

Premiering tonight on Starz is “The Tourist”, last year’s tale of “international intrigue” starring Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp.

If you look at the director’s IMDb page, it states he was born “Florian Maria Georg Christian Graf Henckel von Donnersmarck” A name like that demands to be used in full whenever possible.

Angelina stars as the love interest of internationally renowned thief Alexander Pierce. Johnny Depp plays a schlub named Frank Tupelo, a community college Math teacher touring Europe.

Jolie begins the movie being spied upon and followed by a team of no less than 6,000 men. Of course she proves to be too smart for them by half. She’s sent a note by her husband in hiding to find someone his height and build and make her pursuers believe it’s him. Enter Depp, who she picks out on a train. She plays Depp into thinking she’s interested him, but it’s a ruse in order to put all the spies and gangsters following her onto him.

A mistaken identity thriller unfolds, with Depp being chased hither and yon by a variety of parties who’ve mistaken him for Alexander Pierce. A number of predictable plot twists and less than inspirational action sequences follow. “North By Northwest” this is not.

Florian Maria Georg Christian Graf Henckel von Donnersmarck generally stays out of the way, but he doesn’t do anyone any favors by allowing these two famed actors to turn in such flaccid performances. I swear the only reason these two signed on for this movie was the glamorous locations they got to shoot in. I know for me the setting of the film is its most memorable aspect. Or perhaps this thing looked better on paper when things like “He runs across the rooftops as they shoot at him” and “She shifts the boat into reverse, slamming the two boats together” actually sounded exciting.

In other news, I think Angelina’s “had some work done”. Her face is looking a bit… sculpted.

C Do yourself a favor and watch a Hitchcock movie you haven’t seen yet instead.

4 thoughts on “Now showing on cable: “The Tourist”

  1. I didn’t hate this as much as everybody else on the face of the planet did but I think it’s problems are that so many people expected this to be just about perfect because of Depp, Jolie, and Bettany but instead just got mediocre. I had a fun time and totally enjoyed Depp being the straight-man but I will admit I was disappointed as well. Good Review Dannnnnn!

Join in the discussion!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s