Scary Movie 5

Scary Movie 5

“Scary Movie 5” is a pathetic, pitiable attempt at a comedy. I honestly felt sorry at times for its producers and participants. This film is an embarrassment.

It’s a hollow shell of its predecessors in this once mediocre franchise.

As with the prior installments in the “Scary Movie” franchise, “Scary Movie 5” is a spoof movie, stringing together a series of scenes which mock other recent films, without any seeming rhyme or reason. In this particular case, we’re given skits involving the completely unrelated films “Mama”, “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”, “Black Swan”, “Evil Dead”, “Paranormal Activity 4”, and “Inception”. Several of those films are already old news. “Apes”, “Black Swan” and “Inception”, particularly, are all at least two years old or older. Not that there’s any sense in the rationale behind the selections anyways, but selecting films that have been out of theaters so long gives audiences one more reason to feel that this movie is “tired”.

Not that they’ll need another one. It’s painfully obvious that this series is running on fumes. With a ninety minute runtime, and a film that throws jokes at the audience as quickly as it can, I still only found maybe… maybe… two or three things to be mildly humorous. I know I certainly didn’t laugh. The humor here is absolutely abysmal. Apparently the franchise has devolved from parody into pratfalls and potty humor, as a good percentage of the film is dedicated to people getting hit in the head or kicked in the crotch or sitting on the toilet, farting, apes flinging feces, etc. What parody elements they do have certainly aren’t clever in any regard, either. Jokes routinely fall completely flat, and we’re left to wonder how anyone believed how any of this would ever be found funny.

But wait! There’s more! The lifeless material found within is delivered by a terribly unfunny cast. Ashley Tisdale is a far cry from Anna Faris in the lead; she simply doesn’t have an ounce of funny in her. Joining her is Simon Rex, who I’ve never seen in anything else and now I know why. Erica Ash confuses being funny with being loud as Tisdale’s friend/understudy. Backing these three in the onslaught of awfulness are a collection of comedic castoffs. Katt Williams, Terry Crews, Snoop Dogg, Mike Tyson and a couple of slumming SNL alums (Molly Shannon and Darrell Hammond) all show up to demonstrate just how slim their career opportunities are. Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan’s scene was the high point of the movie for me, and I thought it was terrible.

It all adds up to one of the dumbest, most boring, most lifeless comedies you’d ever hope not to have to see.

In all honesty, if you found this movie funny, please don’t tell anyone. Seriously, I’m trying to help, it’s not the type of thing that reflects well on a person.


92 thoughts on “Scary Movie 5

  1. I remember my brother and I loving the first two when we were in our late teens but after that it went horribly wrong. And I’m not sure I could sit through the earlier ones now that I am older and hopefully wiser. This looks like a definite AVOID!

    • I think this probably still would have some appeal for teens. When you’re a teenager just getting out of the house is a good thing, and ragging on something dumb is always fun. I think there’s plenty of fodder here for that.

      For us who are “older and wiser” however, it IS a definite AVOID. LOL 😉

  2. Fog’s, sounds like you went in with expectations. I had 0. So, when I slid in the movie after my movie I actually paid for ended, I had fun with it. I didn’t think it was nearly as bad as you. That guy who parodied Vincent Cassell in Black Swan was hilarious to me; just the way he did the accent and his mannerisms, etc. I thought it was funny how they announced Ashley Tisdale Queen Swan even though she couldn’t dance and hadn’t even practiced but one day out of the blue decided on a whim to try ballet. lol. I know it’s stupid – that’s the point! I don’t mind stupid if that’s the goal; what I hate is stupid when a movie is trying to be serious.

    When Mama was going to take the 2 kids off the cliff and Ashley Tisdale shouts RUN! and they turn around and start running towards the edge of the cliff! LOL. That was funny; and when the guy said to Terry Crews, “The apes are just like you” was also funny. And the fight between the guy and Maria after he fired her reminded me of Family Guy when Peter fought the chicken. And the fight made it all the way to his work where they bumped into the “Emergency open all the apes cages” button. lol.

    I’m not saying it was a great movie, but it did have some funny moments. You just have to go in with low expectations. 🙂

    • “Fog’s, sounds like you went in with expectations”.

      I did. I expected it to suck. (It’s Fogs’ btw 😉 )

      Did a little movie hopping? LOL. Thats the only way to go with this one I think Gary. 😀 I dont think expectations are the key one way or the other, I think the key here is the tolerance of stupid… Cause that movie was SUPER stupid. Right? 🙄 😀

      • I know your name is pronounced like “vogue” and not “hog”. I just thought the ‘ was before the s. I will remember next time.

        OF COURSE the movie was super stupid, but what did you think it was supposed to be? This isn’t Dances with Wolves! lol. You didn’t think it was funny when Ashley Tinsdale forced herself to throw up the cheerio? LOL. I was laughing at that.

        Or when she shouted to the kids “RUN!” from Mama on the cliff – and the kids turned and started running towards the edge of the cliff. I’m sorry dude, but that was hilarious! lol. I am just thinking about that and still cracking up. “RUN!” kids start running off the cliff. “No, the other way!” LOL.

        Then again, I thought the third act of “Mama” was totally stupid so I thought mostly all of the “Mama” jokes were humorous. Like when she was sitting on the counter playing her bass and the lights kept flickering b/c the handle of the guitar kept hitting the light switch. lol.

      • The thing where she was hitting the lights WAS mildly humorous. I did crack a half a grin there (I was shellshocked). 😉

        Meanwhile, sorry to correct you then. I just listened to the Lammy nominations show and got called “Fog” for an hour straight, so I had some heightened sensitivity to it. LOL

      • LOL, well it’s easy to confuse; I thought it was pronounced like Hog, as well, until I listened to a minute of one of your podcasts and heard Fog like Vogue.

        Okay, so what about when the kids were about to run off the cliff? You had to at least smile at that. lol.

      • Nah, been then I felt as though I had been beat up by all the suckitude. Funny enough now out of context, but then I wasn’t feeling inclined to laugh much at it.

        Probably a number of jokes in the film look funnier on paper and that’s how we arrived here. 😦

    • Tim, there are other films out there far worse, though. I thought there were some humorous parts. I have seen some comedies where I don’t laugh at all, but this did provide a few legitimate laughs. Not saying it’s great, but I think it’s better than this review would have you believe. It’s better then Fogs’ “Twilight” marathon! lol.

      • I’d actually give Scary Movie 5 a “C”. I know I criticize a lot of films, but I am much harder on films that try to make you take them seriously than spoof films. I will say this though, I walked into “A Haunted House” and after about 3 minutes walked out b/c the jokes were so bad, cliche, and poorly executed. Just a whole lot of sulkiness. But I walked into Scary Movie 5 and I didn’t laugh at every joke, but I laughed at enough to keep me there for the duration, and there were a few moments where the jokes really landed to me.

        I guess I am just saying that SM5 doesn’t belong in the same class as “A Haunted House” and “Meet the Spartans”, etc. Fog’s even admitted in our posts yesterday that some of the jokes in SM5 sounded funny on paper, but he didn’t like the execution. I’m not saying SM5 is a great film by any means, but I did crack up a few times, and think it will provide a few laughs for most horror fans – where as Meet Spartans, and Haunted House, etc. are just straight up garbage that are good for absolutely nothing.

  3. Well, at least your review was funny. 😀

    I checked out Simon Rex on IMDb just for the hell of it. Seems he’s a regular of these turkeys. A bunch of other spoof movies, including Scary Movies 3 and 4. So, pretty clear why you haven’t heard of him… he’s done nothing worthwhile.

    • Funny thing is, I checked his IMDb too, and realized I HAD seen him in the other Scary Movies, and just flat out didnt remember him. LOL

      So I kept the comment as is… 😀 Its a good line, anyways!

      • No. But 1-3 were actually pretty decent. I was happy enough to give 4 a chance (on TV, not as if I went to the theatres for them or anything)

        Five is really the first that I knew would be horrible from jump street. The others I thought would be… ok and were, to some degree. Well, not 4, but you know what I mean.

      • Theyre not great, not by a long shot. But the 2nd and 3rd were all decent enough. They may not hold up though, seeing as they rely HEAVILY on spoofing movies and pop culture that was en vogue at the time…

        Theyre not exactly Airplane, you know? 😦

      • Yeah… parodies nowadays just don’t seem to be able to grasp the idea of timeless humor. I keep going back to Shrek of all things on that note… most of the humor is completely independent, but there’s that Matrix-homage with Fiona that completely stands out.

  4. Thanks for the funny read, Fogs. I had more fun reading this than watching the movie, that’s for sure. What a waste of time it was!!

    “In all honesty, if you found this movie funny, please don’t tell anyone. Seriously, I’m trying to help, it’s not the type of thing that reflects well on a person.”

    I love that line. It seems like the two girls in the theatre with me should be checked into a mental institution. They were laughing like dying manatees half the time. LOL.

    • Its true. Its like a poor reflection on a person’s sense of humor I think.

      People have been able to point out a couple of halfway funny things, but there’s no way that this could be sold as a good comedy. No way. 😦

      Hopefully this kills this franchise forever, you know?

      • Yeah, that’s very true.

        I thought that “An STD is the worst thing you can have” was halfway funny, mostly because it’s funny when it comes out of Katt’s mouth, LOL. Oh no way at all, I think it’s one of the worst movies I’ve had the misfortune to sit through! I was eyeing the exit sign so much…

        Oh yes, I want the gravestone to be hammered into the ground. THE OKAY ‘SCARY MOVIE’ FRANCHISE LAYS HERE. I like the first, but they lost quality as they went along. I’d have to re-watch them as some fun way to write funny reviews. LOL.

      • Agreed. You know whats funny is… when people pointed out the funny things afterwards, I was like “yeah, I guess that’s kind of funny when YOU tell it” it was like all the jokes SOUNDED better than they were! 🙄

        Anyways, I was in no mood for laughing during it. I felt beat up.

      • LOL, good point, I was hoping it would be one of those movies where it might get better the more one thinks about it, but it was really the opposite effect for me… And I had basement level expectations, too!!

        That’s too bad, that could definitely affect your enjoyment 😦

        Hopefully you don’t feel as beat up with the next comedy you see 😀 I’m kinda hoping Pain & Gain will be good, I like the strange concept.

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