The 2013 Summer Movie Preview – Part 2

Ok, everyone, here we go! The second half of the Summer slate for 2013! There’s plenty of big movies in store, and of course, a handful of DOAs.

Click through to check out the second half of this Summer!

A Haunted House

“A Haunted House” is scary alright.

It’s scary as hell that anyone ever thought that this offensive piece of garbage would be funny.

Vulgar, racist, contemptible, nauseating, dim-witted, and ultimately pitiable, “A Haunted House” makes a strong early bid at Worst Movie of 2013.

The 2013 Winter Movie Season Preview

Ok, boys and girls. The Holiday Season is over… and the Spring Season, full of mini Blockbusters, is still months away.

Between now and then lies Hollywood’s dumping ground. The Hollywood fields lie fallow in the winter, bearing little quality product. It’s the two months of the year we need to “Get through”. While January typically offers some limited releases from the prior year going wide, there’s typically little else to get excited over.

Will this year be different? Are there any movies to get excited about these next two months? Let’s take a look at the release slate and see what we’ve got!

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted

“Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted” continues the adventures of Alex the Lion (Ben Stiller), Marty the Zebra (Chris Rock), Melman the Giraffe (David Schwimmer), and Gloria the Hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith) as they try to return to New York and the zoo that they once called home. They’re able to make their way from Africa to Monte Carlo, but from there, intend to seek out the help of the penguins in order to cross the Atlantic and return to the United States. Of course, things don’t go as planned, and the animals wind up having to take cover from an animal control officer in a traveling circus.

It’s got plenty of comedy and some fun actions sequences, but the bright colors and happy characters can’t disguise the fact that there isn’t a lot under the hood.

Now Showing on Cable: “Larry Crowne”

Making its debut this weekend on HBO was last year’s “Larry Crowne”, starring Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. Directed by Hanks himself, “Larry Crowne” is the story of a middle aged man – Larry Crowne – who loses his mid level job at a retail store due to his lack of education.

Unable to find subsequent employment, Larry enrolls in Community College.

What he doesn’t bargain on is the profound, romantic, humorous, heartwarming change that will occur in his life due to – – Aghgh, God. I can’t even write a summary sentence about this nauseating nonsense without feeling ill.

Click through to read why you should stay away from this awful offering of offal.