Final Destination 5

The upside to being a fifth film in a franchise is that by now, audiences know exactly what to expect.

I didn’t expect any major deviations from the formula, I didn’t expect any radical departures from the prior films. Thus I knew even before going in that “Final Destination 5” had a maximum achievable grade of a B, even though it could still possibly fail if it wound up sucking.

Here’s what “Final Destination 5” needed to do in order to max out its grade in my book.

  1. Provide a suitable cast of attractive, vapid characters to kill. I don’t want any GOOD characters, I’d hate to think of them as actual people. Hell, I barely want to think at all during this flick. Give me Cannon Fodder and make it pretty.  
  2. Feed me a series of comically freakish kills. The gorier the better. The more complicated the better. Kind of like a Fangoria Magazine game of Mousetrap.
  3. Abuse the 3D element of the film. Don’t hold back. You can not shoot enough things straight at me and off the screen, or drop them off of high enough cliffs. Go to town.

Done, Done and Done.

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