Here we go everyone. Thw “Worst” portion of the MAJOR Awards rolls on with Worst Supporting Actress. These are the ladies that really brought down their pictures, in spite of limited time onscreen!
The nominees are: Jessica Biel, “Total Recall”, Chelsea Handler, “This Means War”, Dolly Parton, “Joyful Noise”, Rihanna, “Battleship”, Sigourney Weaver, “The Cold Light of Day”.
Click through to see which I deem the worst of 2012!
Boys and girls, it is my profound disappointment to present you with the Worst Supporting Actress Nominees for 2012. These were the ladies that weren’t the leads in their films, but they made you say “Egads!” anyways. The Worst Supporting Actresses of 2012.
Click through to see the offenders!
A washed up ex-soccer pro tries to reconnect with his young son by coaching his soccer team. Along the way, he also tries to break into a new line of work (sports casting) and win back his ex-wife.
Standing in his way are an army of poorly written, badly acted, hornier than any person ever soccer moms.
What’s a poor family rom-com hero to do?
Ok, folks, here we are! One of the major movie release seasons of the year is upon us, The Holiday Movie Season!
The Holidays started a little early this year, with “Skyfall” (undeniably a major release) opening in the first week of November. So we’re underway! Between now and the end of the year, we’ll see some of the biggest films on the 2012 docket get released, including the conclusion to the “Twilight” Saga, “The Hobbit”, and “Django Unchained”!
Click through to check out what the Holidays hold in store!
As I’m certain that everyone is aware, “Total Remake” – sorry, “Total Recall” – is a remake of the 1989 Sci-Fi/Action classic starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I’m not certain how fair or unfair it is to constantly compare remakes to their original inspirations, but when a movie is as beloved as the first “Total Recall” is, comparisons to it are inescapable. It’s the price that needs to be paid if Hollywood is going to recycle properties, I suppose… not that they care.
In that regard, it’s a pale imitation. Though the special effects are better, the action sequences feel generic and, occasionally, forced. Its stars can’t provide half the charisma that Schwarzenegger, Stone, Ironside and Ronny Cox did back in the day. And perhaps worst of all, the plot has been dumbed down a degree for today’s audiences (as Hollywood sees them). As a remake, it fails.
Even taken as a completely individual, stand alone movie, “Total Recall” isn’t that good. Every bright-spot is offset with something blindingly bland. Eventually it succumbs to extreme averageness and winds up almost completely forgettable.
AULD LANG CYANIDE
(Sung to the tune of “Same Auld Lang Syne”, by Dan Fogleberg)
Took one last trip into the megaplex
Before ’11 up and le-eaves
Told the girl who sold the tickets there
“I’ll take one for New Year’s Eve”
I got a soda and I found a seat
The theatre’s packed what can I dooo…?
I really wish that people had more taste.
The Descendants! Theatre two!
The movie started and I tried to count
The silly plotlines flying byyyyy
I tried my best but I could not keep up
I lost track at twenty-five…
Each was stupid and complete nonsense.
These things don’t happen in real liiife…
It didn’t seem as though the theatre cared
They all laughed, and I just cried.
This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…
Heigl, Kutcher, Berry, Pfeiffer, Biel.
Breslin, Parker, Broderick toooo…
And if you think that sounds like overkill,
I’m not halfway %&$#ing through!
But here’s a riddle that I couldn’t solve,
And I don’t say this in je-est…
How could it be that in this “Actorfest”
Jon Bon Jovi did the best?!
Now I’ll admit there was a laugh or two
The movie IS two hours loooong
But if you judged it by my audience,
This was Cheech and %&$#ing Chong!
This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…
This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, its shallow and it’s trite!
At points it made me really wish… I’d brought some cyanide…
And so the movie was a painful thing
Not just itself, but for the cro-owd…
It was obvious they didn’t care
But I wanted to scream out!
HOW COULD DE NIRO SELL US OUT LIKE THIS?!
The man was Vito Corleoooone….
But the audience was into it,
My good taste… made me… a-lone….
(Sax Outro)
😀 HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM FOGS’ MOVIE REVIEWS 😀
Premiering Saturday night on Cinemax was 2010’s “The A-Team”, starring Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copely, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson and Jessica Biel.
Fair warning. I’m a BIG fan of the tv show.
It happened to hit me at just the right age. Any older and I think I would have been too critical of it. Any younger and I wouldn’t have appreciated its blend of humor, action and colorful characters. As it wound up though, it’s a show that would make my top 5 personal favorites from my youth with ease. If I didn’t have a baby blog to feed, I most likely would have continued to stay away from the movie adaptation in protest.
But, technically, it’s not a remake… the original was a TV show and this is a movie. And I heard enough things about it to make me think it has little chance of disrupting my fond memories of the original. And I DO need post material, so I said, screw it, let’s check it out.
I’m actually glad – well, at least not pissed – I did.
Fogs' Movie Reviews 