The 2013 Summer Movie Preview – Part 2

Ok, everyone, here we go! The second half of the Summer slate for 2013! There’s plenty of big movies in store, and of course, a handful of DOAs.

Click through to check out the second half of this Summer!

The 2012 FMR MAJOR Awards: Most Disappointing Movie Nominees

Ok folks, for every Yin there’s a Yang here at the MAJOR Awards. The karmic counterbalance to this morning’s surprises is this afternoon’s crop of disappointments. These are the films that had us eagerly anticipating them, yet failed to deliver.

Click through to see the biggest let downs of 2012!

Movies That Everyone Should See: “Pirates of the Caribbean”

Psst! Avast there! It be too late to alter course, mateys. And there be plundering pirates lurkin’ in ev’ry cove, waitin’ to board. Sit closer together and keep your ruddy hands in board. That be the best way to repel boarders. And mark well me words, mateys: Dead men tell no tales! Ye come seekin’ adventure with salty old pirates, eh? Sure you’ve come to the proper place. But keep a weather eye open, mates, and hold on tight. With both hands, if you please. Thar be squalls ahead, and Davy Jones waiting for them what don’t obey.

– Talking Skull and Crossbones, Pirates of the Caribbean theme park ride, Disneyland

Movies That Everyone Should See: “Edward Scissorhands”

In light of the most recent effort from Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, and the fact that today is Mother’s Day and the movie features a sweet Mother looking after a misunderstood son who’s always getting into trouble through absolutely no fault of his own (LOL!!!), my choice for this week’s MTESS column was an easy one.

1990’s nouveau classic, “Edward Scissorhands”.

Dark Shadows

Having never seen the original TV Show, I had no idea what to expect from this film when it was in production. I had heard it was a gothic supernatural soap opera, so when the trailers came out positioning the movie as a comedy, I was surprised…

Well, as it turns out, Director Tim Burton tries to have it both ways and the results are disappointing. The movie certainly does have its share of comedic moments, but it never abandons the Gothic drama. As such the movie “straddles the fence” a little, and that turns out to be a poor choice.

The Rum Diary

A unique movie. A wonderful movie. Brimming with colorful characters and batshit crazy events. I’m head over heels for it.

Fans of Thompson and/or Depp as Thompson rejoice. This movie is powerful stuff. More than you hoped for.

All others beware.

“Bastards will not be tolerated”.

Now showing on cable: “The Tourist”

Premiering tonight on Starz is “The Tourist”, last year’s tale of “international intrigue” starring Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp.

If you look at the director’s IMDb page, it states he was born “Florian Maria Georg Christian Graf Henckel von Donnersmarck” A name like that demands to be used in full whenever possible.

Angelina stars as the love interest of internationally renowned thief Alexander Pierce. Johnny Depp plays a schlub named Frank Tupelo, a community college Math teacher touring Europe.

Jolie begins the movie being spied upon and followed by a team of no less than 6,000 men. Of course she proves to be too smart for them by half. She’s sent a note by her husband in hiding to find someone his height and build and make her pursuers believe it’s him. Enter Depp, who she picks out on a train. She plays Depp into thinking she’s interested him, but it’s a ruse in order to put all the spies and gangsters following her onto him.