Too Much Twilight to Take?: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2”

No joke. I’m writing this in the computer room cause I don’t want to go back in front of the TV. I want it over, but I need a break. I feel like Rocky getting his ass beat by Clubber in Rocky III. I hadn’t expected these movies would be THIS bad. “He’s strong, he’s too strong…”

I’ve been at this for twelve hours now. TWELVE hours of watching “Twilight”. Whose idea was this anyways? I need to punch someone, but I think it’s me, and I’ve been punched enough today.

Everything is flagging. Towards the end of that last post, I realized I wasn’t even making jokes anymore, I was just summarizing what was going on. I’m seriously dragging myself across the finish line now.

This was a poorly conceived idea, I doubt anyone is still reading along – why the hell would they? Who wants to? What kind of dumb ass would think people would?

But I’m finishing God dammit. I’m finishing… not gonna quit NOW, that would really be dumb. So in I go! One last ^$%&ing Twilight piece of crap to sludge through, let’s get this over with.

Too Much Twilight to Take?: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1”

Alright. Little breather. No joke, this is getting tough. Watching these crappy ass movies, blogging as fast as I can… feeling a little drained here, and I still have two movies left.

My worst fears about these movies have come true. They are neither good nor so bad they’re good (though they do contain relatively frequent, blessed, laughable moments). Bella Swan is a modern-day Helen of Troy, launching a war between vampires, and between werewolves and vampires. She causes two supernatural creatures to fight for her hand, and one sparkly, spineless vampire boy to question his sexual orientation.

WILL anything happen in this movie? WILL Edward man up and take Bella up on the half-dozen offers she’s given him? WILL Taylor Lautner win his war against the oppression of shirts once and for all?

Let’s see. I’m ready, let’s do it, it’s back on! Breaking Dawn, yeah!!! Here we go!

Too Much Twilight To Take?: “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”

Turn around…

Every now and then
I get a little bit lonely
And you’re never coming round

Turn around…

Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of my tears

Oh. Sorry. Ok. Ready to start another Twilight movie. I’m not gonna lie, this is a challenge. The first two were some putrid stuff. But I’m gonna do it baby! Here we go, Eclipse!! Who’s with me? Lets go!

Too Much Twilight to Take?: “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

New mooooon…
You saw me watching, alo– oh. Sorry.

RIGHT BACK INTO IT! Doubling down! That’s right. Bring it on “Twilight”!

Here’s Stewart’s poetic voiceover to begin “New Moon”:

“These violent delights have violent ends.
And in their triumph, die.
Like Fire and Powder, which, as they kiss, consume.”

Do you think that that bit of awfulness will deter me from forging head? Hell, no!

Read on!

Too Much Twilight to Take?: “Twilight”

Alright! Let’s do this thing! I’m strangely pretty pumped up right now, lets bring on the Bella!!

Purchase! (Thankfully, my cable company is offering these cheaply, I don’t even have to buy any DVDs)

Here we go… Twiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiight!

The 2012 FMR MAJOR Awards: The Worst Actress Winner

Worst actress. The leading lady who we scrunched our noses up at the most in 2012.

The nominees are: Drew Barrymore, “Big Miracle”, Ashley Greene, “The Apparition”, Katherine Heigl, “One for the Money”, Mila Jovovich, “Resident Evil: Retribution”, and Kristen Stewart, “Snow White and the Huntsman”.

Click through to see which of these horrendous actresses won for being the worst!

The 2012 FMR MAJOR Awards: The Worst Actress Nominees

Alright everyone, here we go! The moment you’ve all been waiting for dreading. The worst actresses of 2012. These are the ladies that left our jaws hanging open in disbelief at just how awful they were. The worst female performers of the year!

Click through to she the ladies who were the biggest offenders of 2012!

The 2012 Holiday Movie Season Preview

Ok, folks, here we are! One of the major movie release seasons of the year is upon us, The Holiday Movie Season!

The Holidays started a little early this year, with “Skyfall” (undeniably a major release) opening in the first week of November. So we’re underway! Between now and the end of the year, we’ll see some of the biggest films on the 2012 docket get released, including the conclusion to the “Twilight” Saga, “The Hobbit”, and “Django Unchained”!

Click through to check out what the Holidays hold in store!

Tossin’ It Out There – Is there an actor or actress that you can’t stand?

Not that this topic was inspired by any particular movie this weekend…

But via the comments it did cross my mind that there are certain actors and actresses that people just can’t stand. Whether or not they can act, or if they choose poor parts, whatever it is… some people just establish this reputation for being widely reviled.

Kristen Stewart comes immediately to mind. It seems as though there are legions of people who can’t stand her. Adam Sandler, too. His recent run of movies has created an enormous backlash.

But it doesn’t have to be anything rational, or popular, if there’s someone you really don’t like, let’s hear it! Maybe… Charlize Theron bugs you or something. Everyone seems to love her, and that adds fuel to the fire for you. LOL. Seriously whoever it is, for whatever reason… if you can’t stand, let ’em have it!

Is there an actor or actress YOU can’t stand?

Snow White and the Huntsman

In all honesty, I had rejected this movie in my mind prior to going into it.

Snow White is not some warrior in shining armor leading an army. She’s not. Snow White wears that blue and red and yellow taffeta dress with the poofy freaking shoulders and when she’s not hanging with her dwarfish friends or chowing apples, she sings to birds. Ok? That’s Snow White.

So perhaps this is all overreaction to my complete underestimation of it, but “Snow White and the Huntsman” was an excellent, highly entertaining movie. More than just a retelling of the Snow White tale, it’s an epic fantasy story, replete with mythical creatures, knights in armor, a princess in a tower and a very, very wicked witch.

I don’t know if it’s the fairest of them all, but it’s easily worth a trip to the movies.