Ok folks, here we go. Part II of the 2012 Fall Movie Preview. Today we’ll break down all the major releases on tap for the month of October, and the first week of November!
As you might imagine, it’s a diverse bunch. There are some ahead that look intriguing, and some that might as well be announcing that they’re garbage already, LOL. Let’s have a look and see if we can’t sort out what’s what!!
“The Lucky One” is the latest film adaptation of a Nicholas Sparks novel. The man who’s brought us “A Walk to Remember”, “The Notebook”, and “Dear John” (among others)Â has inspired yet another big screen bodice ripper.
In it, Zac Efron is Marine serving in Iraq who finds a photo lying in some rubble moments before an explosion would have taken his life. Had he not moved to examine the photo on the ground, he would have been blown to bits. After the incident, he searches for the owner of the photo amongst his squad, but no one claims it. In the process of searching for who it belongs to however, he finds himself constantly carrying it… and the recipient of good luck and safe-keeping as a result. He begins to believe that the photo and the woman in it have been protecting him, and vows to find her once his service is over.
Of course, what he finds instead is the kind of romance that romance movie fan’s dreams are made of.
AULD LANG CYANIDE
(Sung to the tune of “Same Auld Lang Syne”, by Dan Fogleberg)
Took one last trip into the megaplex                                                                        Â
Before ’11 up and le-eaves                                                                                          Â
Told the girl who sold the tickets there                                                                            Â
“I’ll take one for New Year’s Eve”
I got a soda and I found a seat                                                                                     Â
The theatre’s packed what can I dooo…?                                                                         Â
I really wish that people had more taste.                                                                      Â
The Descendants! Theatre two!
The movie started and I tried to count                                                                          Â
The silly plotlines flying byyyyy                                                                                          Â
I tried my best but I could not keep up                                                                              Â
I lost track at twenty-five…
Each was stupid and complete nonsense.                                                                  Â
These things don’t happen in real liiife…Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
It didn’t seem as though the theatre cared                                                              Â
They all laughed, and I just cried.
This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                              Â
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…
Heigl, Kutcher, Berry, Pfeiffer, Biel.                                                                                   Â
Breslin, Parker, Broderick toooo…                                                                               Â
And if you think that sounds like overkill,                                                                      Â
I’m not halfway %&$#ing through!
But here’s a riddle that I couldn’t solve,                                                                      Â
And I don’t say this in je-est…                                                                                     Â
How could it be that in this “Actorfest”                                                                          Â
Jon Bon Jovi did the best?!
Now I’ll admit there was a laugh or two                                                                        Â
The movie IS two hours loooong                                                                                  Â
But if you judged it by my audience,                                                                            Â
This was Cheech and %&$#ing Chong!
This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, it’s empty and it’s dumb!                                              Â
Its lame attempts at “soulfulness”… left me feeling numb…
This movie’s %&$#ing vacuous, its shallow and it’s trite!                                              Â
At points it made me really wish… I’d brought some cyanide…
And so the movie was a painful thing                                                                           Â
Not just itself, but for the cro-owd…Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
It was obvious they didn’t care                                                                                     Â
But I wanted to scream out!
HOW COULD DE NIRO SELL US OUT LIKE THIS?!                                                  Â
The man was Vito Corleoooone….                                                                                  Â
But the audience was into it,                                                                                         Â
My good taste…Â Â made me…Â a-lone….
(Sax Outro)
😀 HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM FOGS’ MOVIE REVIEWS 😀
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